“A lot of times, conflict arises because people don’t understand each other. The first thing you need to do is make sure they understand each other.” – Mukhtar Kadiri
Mukhtar brings us a challenge from a merger and acquisition program where a dominant software company acquired two competitors simultaneously — both solving the same market gap, each with their own platform, their own founders still in place, and their own fierce loyalties.
The mission: merge three platforms into one. But the technical challenge was the easy part. The real complexity was human — founders who’d built their companies from scratch watching their babies potentially get retired, teams losing people to low morale and uncertainty, and leadership paralyzed by the knowledge that every decision would make somebody unhappy.
Together, Mukhtar and Vasco explore a four-step approach to navigating these high-stakes disagreements:
- First, create a feeling of time abundance — never rush a decision that requires buy-in.
- Second, get each side to present their perspective with only clarifying questions, no judgment.
- Third, name the disagreement explicitly — turn emotions into concrete, debatable statements.
- And fourth, co-create an alternative solution that doesn’t come from either original position, because co-creation builds commitment.
Mukhtar adds a critical fifth element: steel-manning — having each side articulate the other’s argument as if defending it. When people feel genuinely understood, even “disagree and commit” becomes possible.
In this episode, we refer to steel-manning and the concept of disagree and commit.
Self-reflection Question: When you’re facilitating a disagreement between two strong positions, do you rush toward a decision — or do you invest the time to make sure both sides can articulate each other’s argument before you even think about next steps?
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About Mukhtar Kadiri
Mukhtar Kadiri is a PM career coach with 15+ years in project management. He specializes in helping project and program managers land $100–300K roles. He’s been named the #1 PM in Canada. He also has a LinkedIn following of 67K+ professionals. He shares practical insights for FREE on LinkedIn, where he talks about job search, career growth, and thriving as a PM.
You can link with Mukhtar Kadiri on LinkedIn.
