nonviolent communication Archives - Scrum Master Toolbox Podcast

Cristina Cranga: Coaching Product Owners From Output Obsession to Value Conversations

In this episode, we refer to the work of Esko Kilpi on conversations and episodes on Nonviolent Communication (NVC) on the podcast.

The Great Product Owner: A People Person Who Clarifies Before Deciding

“He was comfortable saying ‘I don’t know yet. What do you think?’ It was a bi-directional conversation, not just one-way.” – Cristina Cranga

The best Product Owner Cristina worked with was fundamentally a people person and a leader—human skills, not just hard skills. What made him exceptional was his approach to conversation: he started by clarifying the problem first, then decided. By doing this, he separated requests from decisions and made trade-offs explicit.

He was comfortable admitting uncertainty, asking “What do you think?” and engaging the team in co-creation rather than issuing directives. Cristina emphasizes that between the PO and Scrum Master, there’s a special bond—a strong leadership partnership that teams look to as a reference. She highlights the concept of “ask more, say less”: when you ask questions, you collect information that leads to better, more validated decisions.

The communication process, as outlined in Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg, has four components: observation, feelings, needs, and requests. Great POs embody this by treating uncertainty as part of their job, engaging teams more deeply, and connecting work to value rather than just output.

Self-reflection Question: How often does your Product Owner ask “What do you think?” and what would change if they separated requests from decisions more explicitly?

The Bad Product Owner: Output Obsession and the Velocity Trap

“Success is measured by how much is delivered, not what changes. Teams get faster, but not smarter.” – Cristina Cranga

The worst Product Owner anti-pattern Cristina has witnessed is output obsession—measuring success by how much is delivered rather than what actually changes for users or the business. When velocity replaces outcomes as the primary metric, teams get faster but not smarter. Faster doesn’t equal smarter. This anti-pattern is particularly dangerous in an AI-accelerated environment where delivery speed is no longer a constraint. The challenge for practitioners is shifting this mindset. The strongest POs make different choices: they own their decisions at the team level, make decisions explicit, treat uncertainty as part of the job, and connect work to value. When POs break free from output obsession, the results are powerful: faster alignment, no decision hallucinations, more engaged teams willing to experiment, and genuine connection between work and value.

In this segment, we refer to Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg.

Self-reflection Question: If you removed velocity from your team’s dashboard tomorrow, what conversations would emerge about actual value delivered?

Transform Your Agile Teams with Hard-Earned Lessons from Super-Experienced Scrum Masters

Do you wish you had decades of experience? Learn from the Best Scrum Masters In The World, Today! The Tips from the Trenches – Scrum Master edition audiobook includes hours of audio interviews with SM’s that have decades of experience: from Mike Cohn to Linda Rising, Christopher Avery, and many more. Super-experienced Scrum Masters share their hard-earned lessons with you. Learn those today, make your teams awesome!

About Cristina Cranga

Human, Innovation enthusiast with a curious mind always learning new things. Sometimes a dreamer and a restless soul. Her mission in life is helping People thrive. She has a background in psychology and an experience in supporting the implementation of multiple IT software projects in complex digital eco-systems with different technologies at international level. How these two worlds can shape a professional? Let’s discover it …

You can link with Cristina Cranga on LinkedIn.

BONUS: NVC, Walking Towards Conflict with Love With Maria Arpa and Bob Marshall

In this BONUS episode, we explore Nonviolent Communication (NVC), a powerful tool that has changed how many people work and relate to family, friends, and colleagues. Maria Arpa, a previous guest on the podcast, and who studied directly under Marshall Rosenberg, the creator of NVC, shares her insights on this transformative practice. Joining us is Bob Marshall, an NVC advocate and practitioner who applies these principles in organizational settings.

Understanding the Foundation of Nonviolent Communication

“We have universal needs… what we try to distinguish is the need and the strategy I’m using to meet the need.”

Nonviolent Communication is both a practical communication tool and a spiritual practice designed to help us connect more authentically with ourselves and others. Maria explains how NVC emerged from the work of Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, who studied under Carl Rogers, the developer of person-centered therapy. At its core, NVC represents a paradigm shift away from what Maria calls “domination culture” – a system built on hierarchy, punishment, and obedience to rules.

The dominant culture in which we live often relies on fear, guilt, and shame to motivate behavior. In contrast, NVC comes from the philosophy of nonviolence, encouraging people to be independent thinkers who make choices from their own internal compass. This approach recognizes that all people have the potential to manifest love, even in challenging situations.

The Power of Needs-Based Theory

“If I take a need for fairness or respect… how many ways are there to meet that need? And what if you believe you’re meeting your need for fairness using whatever strategy you’re using, and I believe that is impacting on my need for respect? We have a collision in strategies.”

A fundamental aspect of NVC is needs-based theory. Maria explains that while we all share universal needs – from basic physical requirements like air and food to psychological needs like creativity, recognition, and fairness – conflicts arise not from the needs themselves but from the strategies we use to meet those needs.

This distinction between needs and strategies offers a powerful framework for resolving conflicts. When we understand that we’re arguing over strategies, not the underlying needs, we can empathize with each other and explore different approaches that honor everyone’s needs. As Maria advises, “Don’t try to strategize until you understand all the needs on the table.”

Breaking Free from the Debate Model

“The debate model of conversation is about one argument prevailing over all others… it’s a terrible idea for when we want to meet as humans and have a conversation.” Continue reading BONUS: NVC, Walking Towards Conflict with Love With Maria Arpa and Bob Marshall

Paul Jarvis: Unlocking Scrum Team Potential, The High-performance Tree Tool

In this episode, we explore the dynamics of two high-performing teams hindered by a single member’s reluctance to seek help. This episode explores the critical lesson, such as leveraging the “power of the team”, and introduces the high-performance tree metaphor, illustrating the foundational values and desired behaviors in effective Scrum teams. How does one individual’s challenge affect team performance, and what strategies can encourage collective problem-solving and support? Paul discusses his approach and insights, and refers to a video from Lyssa Adkins about the high-performance tree.

Featured Book of the Week: Management 3.0 by Jurgen Appelo

Paul recommends the book “Management 3.0” by Jurgen Appelo. He shares the book’s profound impact on understanding Agile. Paul also shares other key references for Scrum Masters such as “Coaching Agile Teams” by Lyssa Adkins, “Radical Candor” by Kim Scott, “Nonviolent Communication” by Marshal Rosenberg, “Think Again” by Adam Grant, and Patrick Lencioni’s contributions. Each book offers a unique perspective on Agile principles, from fostering constructive disagreements and navigating conflicts to reevaluating our knowledge and embracing humility. Find out about Paul’s lightbulb moments and the collective wisdom these authors bring to the Agile table.

Transform Your Agile Teams with Hard-Earned Lessons from Super-Experienced Scrum Masters

About Paul Jarvis

Paul is a seasoned Enterprise Lean Agile Coach, Trainer, RTE, and Scrum Master with a decade of experience in the FinTech sector, focusing on banking, payments, and e-commerce. Recently, he completed a 3.5-year tenure at a key player in investment banking.

You can link with Paul Jarvis on LinkedIn.

Lynn Runnels-Moss: Challenging Success, Pushing High Performing Agile Teams Beyond Complacency

In this episode, Lynn shares the nuanced challenge of leading a high-performing team into continuous improvement when complacency sets in. She shares insights on recognizing the signs of stagnation and the critical role of challenging the team with new, uncomfortable tasks to foster growth. This episode unpacks the dangers of the “don’t break it” mentality and offers strategies for injecting innovation and learning into successful teams to prevent key members from seeking challenges elsewhere.

Featured Book of the Week: Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg

Explore the transformative power of Marshall B. Rosenberg’s “Nonviolent Communication” as Lynn shares how it reshaped her approach to confrontational communication, impacting every relationship in her life. Discover how the principles of NVC can enhance your feedback process, making requests without demands, and fostering deeper understanding and cooperation in your team. This episode is a must-listen for anyone looking to improve their communication skills and build stronger, more empathetic connections.

Transform Your Agile Teams with Hard-Earned Lessons from Super-Experienced Scrum Masters

About Lynn Runnels-Moss

Lynn is a certified Agile coach and Business Coach, skilled in developing high-performance teams using Agile and Lean practices. She founded the London Comms Dojo, co-organises the London Code Dojo, and is a speaker in the Agile Leadership Community worldwide.

You can link with Lynn Runnels-Moss on LinkedIn.

Sofia Katsaouni: The Importance of Mentorship in a Scrum Master or Agile Coach’s Journey

In this episode, Sofia recounts her struggles as a junior coach facing challenges in a new team. Despite wanting to lead a kickoff, she was overruled by the engineering lead, leading to self-doubt and frustration. She emphasizes the importance of open communication, sanity checks with external perspectives, and listening to one self. The lack of support left her feeling overwhelmed, highlighting the need for mentorship in agile coaching.

In this episode, we refer to nonviolent communication, an approach that can help us when we find ourselves in the middle of a conflict situation.

The Ultimate Guide to Supporting Product Owners as a Scrum Master

Are you having trouble helping the team work well with their Product Owner? We’ve put together a course to help you work on the collaboration team-product owner. You can find it at bit.ly/coachyourpo. 18 modules, 8+ hours of modules with tools and techniques that you can use to help teams and PO’s collaborate.

About Sofia Katsaouni

Sofia is a dedicated Agile and Organizational Coach who places people and their needs at the forefront. Transitioning from electrical engineering, she applies analytical skills to empower high-performing teams. With an emphasis on trust and psychological safety, Sofia enables startups and scale-ups to foster human-centric, performance-driven cultures.

You can link with Sofia Katsaouni on LinkedIn.