emotional intelligence Archives - Scrum Master Toolbox Podcast

BONUS: Why Delivery Breaks Down in Growing Tech Organizations—Ownership, Guardrails, and the People-First Company With Prashanth Tondapu

What actually slows down tech teams—lack of talent, or lack of ownership? In this episode, Prashanth Tondapu shares lessons from leading through global-scale failures, scaling from a small team to a 100-person company, and discovering why guardrails beat rigid processes when it comes to building teams that own outcomes and execute with discipline.

Diffusion of Accountability: When Everyone Is Responsible, Nobody Is

“Crisis is not the problem. Crisis is the one that uncovers the problem that has always existed.”

Early in his career, Prashanth witnessed a large-scale failure at a major technology company—not because the team lacked talent, but because accountability had become diffused. When too many people are responsible for something, it translates to nobody being responsible. The team was brilliant individually, but there was no clear demarcation of who owned what outcome. On good days, everything worked. But when things went wrong, there was no single person who could no longer delegate accountability to someone else. Prashanth connects this to the concept from Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink—while the whole team must feel ownership, each individual needs laser-focused clarity on their specific accountability. As he frames it: outcome can only come with 100% emotional commitment to a particular problem, and when five people share that commitment, each carries only 20%. That’s where breakdowns happen.

The Leadership Design Problem: From Computers to People

“I was a developer who imagined that humans are also going to be as predictable as computers. Until 6 or 7 people, it works well because you can be everywhere. But as soon as we increased above 7, I was not able to be everywhere.” Continue reading BONUS: Why Delivery Breaks Down in Growing Tech Organizations—Ownership, Guardrails, and the People-First Company With Prashanth Tondapu

The Product and Service Story That Every Scrum Master Needs to Hear | Lai-Ling Su

“It was kind of at that moment that I realized, like, community was about providing people with the opportunities that they otherwise wouldn’t have had. And whilst you could technically execute your product or service well, the customer experience is fundamentally a deeply emotional one.” – Lai-Ling Su

Lai-Ling shares a powerful story from when she was just 11 years old, running front of house at her family’s restaurant inside an Australian workers’ club. When a popular band was booked to play on a Saturday night, the venue reached max capacity—and almost everyone wanted food. With no ticketed order system and only her memory to match orders to customers, chaos ensued.

One father approached her, yelling about how long his food was taking. At the end of the night, Lai-Ling mustered the courage that only an 11-year-old possesses and asked him point-blank why he had reacted so strongly. His answer floored her: he only got to see his son every other weekend, and this evening was supposed to create a cherished memory together. Instead, they were hangry most of the night.

This moment taught Lai-Ling that customer experience is fundamentally emotional—it’s not about the food, but about what the interaction means to the people we serve. For the next decade, she continuously inspected every aspect of their restaurant operations, always seeking to improve how they served customers while remaining commercially viable.

In this episode, we refer to the “Scrum Masters are the future CEO’s, and a podcast by the Lean Enterprise Institute” blog post by Vasco.

Self-reflection Question: When was the last time you paused to understand the deeper meaning behind a stakeholder’s frustration, rather than just addressing the surface-level complaint?

Transform Your Agile Teams with Hard-Earned Lessons from Super-Experienced Scrum Masters

Do you wish you had decades of experience? Learn from the Best Scrum Masters In The World, Today! The Tips from the Trenches – Scrum Master edition audiobook includes hours of audio interviews with SM’s that have decades of experience: from Mike Cohn to Linda Rising, Christopher Avery, and many more. Super-experienced Scrum Masters share their hard-earned lessons with you. Learn those today, make your teams awesome!

About Lai-Ling Su

Lai-Ling fixes the gap between operating model design and real-world delivery through her interim executive, consulting, capability building, and executive coaching work. She also equips product and transformation leaders with the capability everyone expects but no one teaches – how to navigate the people, politics, and performance expectations that come with their jobs.

You can link with Lai-Ling Su on LinkedIn.

Scott Smith: Why Great Scrum Masters Create Space for Breaks

“Think of the people involved. Put yourself in the shoes of the other.” – Scott Smith

Scott found himself in the middle of rising tension as voices escalated between the Product Owner and the development team. The PO was harsh, emotions were running high, and the conflict was intensifying with each exchange. In that moment, Scott knew he had to act.

He stepped in with a simple but powerful reminder: “We’re on the same team.” That pause—that momentary break—allowed everyone to step back and reset. Both the PO and the team members later thanked Scott for his intervention, acknowledging they needed that space to cool down and refocus on their shared outcome.

Scott’s approach centers on empathy and perspective-taking. He emphasizes thinking about the people involved and putting yourself in their shoes. When tensions rise, sometimes the most valuable contribution a Scrum Master can make is creating space for a break, reminding everyone of the shared goal, and helping teams focus on the outcome rather than the conflict. It’s not about taking sides—it’s about serving the team by being the calm presence that brings everyone back to what matters most.

Self-reflection Question: When you witness conflict between team members or between the team and Product Owner, do you tend to jump in immediately or create space for the parties to find common ground themselves?

Featured Book of the Week: An Ex-Manager Who Believed

“It was about having someone who believed in me.” – Scott Smith

Scott’s most influential “book” isn’t printed on pages—it’s a person. After spending 10 years as a Business Analyst, Scott decided to take the Professional Scrum Master I (PSM I) course and look for a Scrum Master position. That transition wasn’t just about skills or certification; it was about having an ex-manager who inspired him to chase his goals and truly believed in him. This person gave Scott the confidence to make a significant career pivot, demonstrating that sometimes the most powerful catalyst for growth is someone who sees your potential before you fully recognize it yourself. Scott’s story reminds us that great leadership isn’t just about managing tasks—it’s about inspiring people to reach for goals they might not have pursued alone. The belief and encouragement of a single person can change the trajectory of someone’s entire career.

Transform Your Agile Teams with Hard-Earned Lessons from Super-Experienced Scrum Masters

About Scott Smith

Scott Smith is a 53-year-old professional based in Perth, Australia. He balances a successful career with a strong focus on health and fitness, currently preparing for bodybuilding competitions in 2026. With a background in leadership and coaching, Scott values growth, discipline, and staying relevant in a rapidly changing world.

You can link with Scott Smith on LinkedIn.

Lilia Pulova: Building Self-Sufficient Teams Through Emotional Intelligence

Lilia defines success for Scrum Masters by asking a simple but powerful question: “Do people feel supported?” Her approach focuses on training teams to take on her responsibilities and make their own decisions. Rather than dictating solutions, she presents options and allows teams to choose their path. Over time, teams learn these options and develop independence in decision-making.

She maintains awareness by monitoring delivery metrics, watching for tickets that take too long, and staying attentive during daily stand-ups. With her primarily remote team keeping cameras open, Lilia reads emotions and body language to identify potential issues early, preventing small conflicts from escalating into major problems.

Self-reflection Question: How well do you read the emotional state of your team members, and what early warning signs might you be overlooking?

Featured Retrospective Format for the Week: 1-on-1 Retrospective

Lilia advocates for the 1-on-1 retrospective as her most effective format, explaining that people open up more in private conversations than in group settings. While group retrospectives can work well with smooth conversation flow, she finds that structured formats don’t always suit every team – sometimes the “lack of format” creates better outcomes. The key to successful 1-on-1 retrospectives is building strong relationships and establishing trust, which she considers the most important foundation for effective retrospectives.

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🔥 In the ruthless world of fintech, success isn’t just about innovation—it’s about coaching! 🔥

Angela thought she was just there to coach a team. But now, she’s caught in the middle of a corporate espionage drama that could make or break the future of digital banking. Can she help the team regain their mojo and outwit their rivals, or will the competition crush their ambitions? As alliances shift and the pressure builds, one thing becomes clear: this isn’t just about the product—it’s about the people.

🚨 Will Angela’s coaching be enough? Find out in Shift: From Product to People—the gripping story of high-stakes innovation and corporate intrigue.

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About Lilia Pulova

Lilia Pulova, a former Business Intelligence Analyst, discovered her passion as a Scrum Master by chance. A natural communicator with a love for languages, she now bridges the gap between business and tech, translating complex needs into streamlined processes that boost productivity and keep teams aligned and focused.

You can link with Lilia Pulova on LinkedIn.

BONUS: NVC, Walking Towards Conflict with Love With Maria Arpa and Bob Marshall

In this BONUS episode, we explore Nonviolent Communication (NVC), a powerful tool that has changed how many people work and relate to family, friends, and colleagues. Maria Arpa, a previous guest on the podcast, and who studied directly under Marshall Rosenberg, the creator of NVC, shares her insights on this transformative practice. Joining us is Bob Marshall, an NVC advocate and practitioner who applies these principles in organizational settings.

Understanding the Foundation of Nonviolent Communication

“We have universal needs… what we try to distinguish is the need and the strategy I’m using to meet the need.”

Nonviolent Communication is both a practical communication tool and a spiritual practice designed to help us connect more authentically with ourselves and others. Maria explains how NVC emerged from the work of Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, who studied under Carl Rogers, the developer of person-centered therapy. At its core, NVC represents a paradigm shift away from what Maria calls “domination culture” – a system built on hierarchy, punishment, and obedience to rules.

The dominant culture in which we live often relies on fear, guilt, and shame to motivate behavior. In contrast, NVC comes from the philosophy of nonviolence, encouraging people to be independent thinkers who make choices from their own internal compass. This approach recognizes that all people have the potential to manifest love, even in challenging situations.

The Power of Needs-Based Theory

“If I take a need for fairness or respect… how many ways are there to meet that need? And what if you believe you’re meeting your need for fairness using whatever strategy you’re using, and I believe that is impacting on my need for respect? We have a collision in strategies.”

A fundamental aspect of NVC is needs-based theory. Maria explains that while we all share universal needs – from basic physical requirements like air and food to psychological needs like creativity, recognition, and fairness – conflicts arise not from the needs themselves but from the strategies we use to meet those needs.

This distinction between needs and strategies offers a powerful framework for resolving conflicts. When we understand that we’re arguing over strategies, not the underlying needs, we can empathize with each other and explore different approaches that honor everyone’s needs. As Maria advises, “Don’t try to strategize until you understand all the needs on the table.”

Breaking Free from the Debate Model

“The debate model of conversation is about one argument prevailing over all others… it’s a terrible idea for when we want to meet as humans and have a conversation.” Continue reading BONUS: NVC, Walking Towards Conflict with Love With Maria Arpa and Bob Marshall